Saturday, September 28, 2013

Glass Houses - A Pictorial

I know I haven't posted in awhile, but lately it seems like just about when I get a great and fun idea to post life happens and I don't want to be super negative on here or just use this as an outlet to vent - so here are some photos of the past 36 hours or so: 

Friday am early, I was pumped but turns out I will have needed the fuel for "fires"

I needed all of these tools below but had to use an inner monologue for all about 6 hours later

After the above mess, I was super late to pick up kiddo for the fair - late bedtime
And she wanted to walk

Saturday morning needed more of the first two pics and God's grace and motivation to power on for events such as this and breaking light bulbs at the storage unit 

Luckily budget savyness and perservierence lead to all this for $70 plus $13 cash in pocket from guest services which I may now use to purchase glue and light bulbs
(fouton not included, but full bed set yes:))

And last minute trips to these places to find 4 perticular screws - notice the difference of sun placement

All leading up to big kid bed panda watch 2013
As I post from my phone on said futon and have to pee. Did I mention the female kiddo insisting to be a "big boy" not a "big girl" for the past 3 days. Someone at school must be potty training, right?! Oy. 

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Before You Said "I Do"

Quick note: I began writing this post a week or so ago and wanted to delay the posting so any readers who had these anniversaries felt targeted :)

How did you feel before you walked down the aisle? What was going through your mind? I know the readers of this come from many backgrounds, married, divorced, not yet married, single, waiting to be married, etc.

This has been a time for many anniversaries/anniversary Facebook posts from my friends or people from my past. Looking at a lot of the wedding pictures and also some other professional ones online (my friend with the newborn has a bunch of tags from a professional photographer) - I notice a HUGE difference in the before and after pics of both the bride and the groom.

I see the brides to be and they look full of nerves and anxious; the grooms to be as well - even if they are trying to have a "cool groomsmen" pic - when they are caught standing alone and/or waiting for their bride to be, I see the same nerves. I wonder what lies behind those nerves so if you read this feel free to comment. For me, it was the people, the ceremony, and the feeling that I just couldn't breathe and now for me SINGLE mom in suburbia - now I know why.

Then there is the "man and wife" kiss, the newlyweds are both usually sharing either a nervous "we don't do this in front of people kiss" or the crowd pleaser "enough, enough" caught up in each other kiss picture. I like both versions because you can usually see the connection between the couple no matter if they just want to get out of there or are too caught up in each other to care about the crowd.

My favorite though is when they are at the very end or even past the aisle. The tension is gone, they don't care about everyone, they just want to get away to have a moment of their own - to laugh, to cry, to share their real kiss, to dread going to the reception even suggesting to just skip it. They are holding hands usually in this un-posed picture, laughing, looking towards each other if not directly at each other - and it just seems that they are ready to begin their life.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't envious of this last picture or the kind of man who is standing alone VERY anxiously awaiting his bride and new life, as ready and as nervous as she is looking at herself in the mirror. However, it does make me happy that these pictures do exist - because then for people like me it's not just a fairy tale, it's the beginning of for better or worse. And now in this very moment that I think about it, it is a way to show my daughter that even if our family is different, that this love can exist and is very real and very possible - especially if both come together knowing God in their own right.

Honestly again, for the past 2-3 years I never thought I would have a way to explain or show something that I never got to feel myself to her and that is it's own gift in itself.

Friday, September 13, 2013

How Life Can Change in 16 Minutes

This is how Thursday between 11:00-11:16am went down:

11:00 - As I was sitting down, checking my computer, studying for an upcoming credential test for work/career - I got a text from my friend who we call Elaine asking if I was one of X number of people being laid off at my company.

11:02 - After reading those words, panic starting ensuing as I told myself not to panic and I went to my company's email and employee page - finally deciding on the email per that would contain any information and more accurate information.

11:05 - My phone rings, the number looks familiar, but I know the number is familiar - maybe kiddo's doctor - but I am obviously dealing with more important things at this moment.

11:07 - Finally scanning through the email, and yes my friend was right - straight from the CEO there WILL be a workforce reduction. Phone, same number rings again - I think for a second, *@$! it's work.

11:07 - Pick up the phone, it is my supervisor - my heart is now in my throat yet somehow pounding out of my chest as I answer it.

11:08-11:15 - I have a phone conversation with my boss, who is calling everyone and trying to tell them not to panic, she thinks our particular department made enough cuts already to be safe (including not only the coffee maker/supply but also the cups, lids, straws, forks, spoons, and knifes..and no I am not kidding at all as well as the pay cut this summer and lower daily staffing.)

11:15 - After explaining my situation of planning to sign a lease/move in October, being a single parent and re-stating even though she thinks our jobs are safe I ask the tough question: Do you have any guarantee from anyone that I or our department is safe from being laid off? Her answer is no.

11:16 - I get off the phone and try to begin to deal with reality, along with no real absorption of qualitative information, except for there is the possibility that I could have no job at some point soon, as I try to suck out the real facts from the company wide email.

I didn't get very far on the real scoop that day, as the kiddo had a short nap and I needed to change her sheets (the answer to the question about the size 5 diapers from my previous post is that, no they don't work - need the 4's). However, she knew I needed something because she sat on her bed post-nap and let me read 2 of her nite-nite books to her, which she doesn't even do at bedtime and gave me at least 5 extra kisses.

As I have found out more details about the reduction in the past 24 hours, the time-line, and what it means for me and my family even if I am not cut (I would go into details but am barred by saying what has not yet been in the news) - the first thing has come to pass, we lost our apartment. We lost not shelter, but a chance at a home for now and it sucks. Could it be worse, yes - but it still sucks. And I get to work this weekend, not seeing my kiddo awake. I am not sure how I will make it through tomorrow with ease, but I will make it because that's what I do.

This song helped today - especially the speech part:

Sunday, September 8, 2013

The Walmart Walk of Shame

No, this is not another knock on Walmart post:

I decided to go to Walmart for the first time in what seems like forever this past week because they had some really great deals to help me stock up for the move (more on that in a later post - spoiler:)), a couple simple low cost recipes, and of course the new Carmel Apple Pillsbury cookies and icing. So when I finally sat down, made my full list after looking at the budget, and found time to go when I didn't need a true sitter for the kiddo - it was 9pm on Saturday night. Super, a lovely drive and trip around Walmart on Saturday night, just what I wanted to do!

First off, if you have not been to Walmart or another superstore/bulk store in awhile, take a partner. I spent a ton of time walking from one end to the other back around and through the aisles one more time after that - just the grocery section mind you. Also, there are lots and lots of displays with $3 and under pricing - so even if you don't need it you are enticed and you will need someone besides your conscious saying "you don't need that, no really, walk away now." Of course I needed to try that 4 pack of 10 calorie Sunkist for just $1.

So after I did my searching for list items, picking up those not quite on the list but hey look at that price items, and of course the 15 minute inner monologue of can my kiddo make it in the size 5 diapers because apparently this past week everyone not only saw the sale but all their children also wear size 4....I made it to the check out.

Shame 1) I did not make it out of there under $100. Now, I have yet to go through the receipt and take out the cost of my moving staple supplies, diapers, whatnot to discern what I truly spent on food, staples for the future, and stuff for the kiddo. So I am hopeful that I am still equal to or under the grocery budget for this month.

Shame 2) Knocking over the darn grape tomato container at what felt like the middle of the night towards the end (but not before another trip back down the depth of the store again) of the trip. Just a frustrating thing, especially when you do the right thing of picking them all up as people pass by.

Shame 3) What I would call the newbie Walmart Walk of Shame - I totally, in a hurry to just get home, walked out the opposite doors of the ones that I parked in front of. Complete face palm as I stepped outside and pushed my cart a half a mile to the car. At 10:30 on a Saturday night.

Luckily, on the way home, I heard this song which made my "adventure" seem to have some purpose again:

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Update to The Neighbors

So the pitch-in was pretty much what I thought it would be, even though I did try and tailor my mind to being more accepting and open to "hey maybe this will be fun and I will meet some other moms to actually interact with" - eh, not so much. I was happy with my morning church and errands before 11am accomplishments though :)

I was downstairs doing my mock fantasy football draft (because that is the type of person I am;)) during the prep, which was loud, and awaiting the first arrivals. Start time went by and nothing...crickets, hurried "call and remind them" noises came from upstairs, and 15 minutes later I started hearing unfamiliar voices upstairs. So once I took care of business, I shut down the laptop and headed upstairs - bracing myself. I said a quick nice to meet you or see you again or two then headed for the cooler containing my, hey it's past noon and I am here beer. It seemed to be all good, ate a chip, listened to conversations, watched some kids play then cue awkwardness. "Where is your little one?" Standard "it's a dad day" response, trying to smile reply followed by the standard silence. Then I was asked about her, said something that she likes to sing, my mom threw in that she loves to "twirl." Ok, so my jaw hardened a little more as the kiddo likes to spin in order to get vestibular feedback, she doesn't "twirl."

Then came the convo of Suburbia:
Neighbor: Oh, is she in any classes?
Me: She goes to daycare three days a week.
Neighbor: That's good, but does she take like dance classes or anything?
Me: *trying not to choke on food* Uh, no.
Neighbor goes on about the various offerings, locations, types, and age groups of dance/gymnastics classes that are offered around here. I about choked, no really almost choked on my food after stuffing in a laugh - my kiddo just turned two, can't sit/stand still and though I will support any chosen activity, I don't do dance.

So that was that kind of and I then knew how to prepare myself for the rest, the husband of said neighbor talking macho talk about his college baseball days, my dad preparing everyone that "food is coming, food is coming" and the awkward handouts about the Native American tribe that our street is named after for the kids- no not joking at all! Not to mention that she kept calling them Indians when our new Indian neighbors kids were at the table - I wanted to scream out Native American but chose to stay out of the awkwardness. I then went to work on actual Labor Day, thankfully.

So that is the story, now more waves come, I chat here and there because my kiddo likes to see the big kids off on the bus (of course we are outside at 8am, who isn't), and I watch more little boxes going up, up, up all around.