Tennistota: Blessings In Disguise?

I first came up with the idea for this post as I was finally sitting at work charting and thought “crap, I have to get up early tomorrow (a Saturday) for that sale….oh crap, tomorrow’s not Friday!” Followed by the – you get to get up early to go to a kids clothing sale with a friend and grab coffee before hand – sans kids, so why the oh crap since you would be up anyways. Silly I know, but you must live in my mind to understand it.

Then on my way out of work my dad called – this is usually never a “good” thing. He started out with “two things,” again never a good sign, “one, dinner is in the fridge so don’t forget and two I learned from said higher up at your work that I know about this position and said person said they would support you in it – still downtown but a Monday-Friday type of gig” followed by a small explanation of said gig. I listened, but as I was listening my brain was going into stress mode as I was planning to attend a job fair for a job in the direction of my first degree and this was in my current degree that I am in now. I had a plan darn it! 

Then we talked more, I thought more on my way home while listening to K-Love for any sign, and realized that I would have a lot of back up for me getting this position, I wouldn't have to switch companies, therefore no insurance lull for the kid, and still my Monday-Friday hours I was looking for even though the commute would stay about the same. My directions of which degree to follow were still there though. I tried to thank God for my blessings of having such choices in direction and two college degrees to support them instead of focusing on the stress. I tend to sometimes focus on the stress.

I got to my folks to pick up the kid, shared with my mom about the job, my dad comes in and I tell him my inspirations of further work/professional support in this opportunity but my torn-ness in direction and he explains his snowball of the future possibilities. Mainly that it could lead to my original avenue and this job would not be it until 70 – I can always branch. True.

My main dream my senior year in college with my first degree, I found to only have one clinic here in the U.S. in Minnesota, that disappointed me very much. I just hoped I could chug along until an opportunity presented itself. I got my second degree and current career degree in Tennessee – a strange move for me, a strange place, where my marriage began and started to end, but my dad’s side of the family was further known to me.  A while ago, my sometimes too clever kiddo brought up a state during her state puzzle – “Tennisota.”  My dad did not know my dream when he basically said you could end up doing blank – this dream job. I just sat and thought – wow, Tennisota.  It may take time, work, adjustments, but what if I can get there someday?!

Lastly, my dad informed my mom “hey, did she tell you she has a week off?!” OK, this week off is because I need to stay home with kiddo during a school closure long weekend, do 2 Easter/birthday celebrations, then take 8 hours for my b-day to myself no kiddo, then back to kiddo for a couple and back to work. Yet it is a week away from work, to get things done, to celebrate, to not wake up at 04:00, and celebrate. I was also reminded that the last time I had a week off of work was maternity leave, so I guess I can’t complain now can I?

Off The Grid

I am considering going off the grid personally online and considering other possible ways to lay low as well. I would still keep my blog and accounts associated with it as it is a great outlet and a good tool to keep in touch with those closest. Audited and edited by me, not another entity, I can read other blogs as I like if I look them up they are not just put in a feed that a computer analysis system controls, and I can still share with those closest as they are the ones I invited into this part of my world – others can come and go as they please.

Although things like Facebook may make you feel connected, I have found that personally (especially with my family unfortunately) it only makes the real connection feel all the more distant and not real. For instance, I put up a post recently about the meaning of awareness (only awareness as forbid my family world knows about Autism and the like in our world actually being a possibility) and what it may or may not mean to me personally. I was jumped on by family members either trying to understand what I cannot tell them or by those having an inkling of what I was talking about and trying to change the subject. Only true friends really liked the original post and commented effectively. Then I woke up this morning after posting some pics of the kiddo last night and holy notifications Batman – because my mother must like each and every photo in order to show love. She also asked me to “pray for me today, we’ll talk later” over text this morning – really?! Since she was asleep when I got the kid, I can only assume it was a procedure of sorts. Also the disconnect I feel when I am actually around my geographical close family – sorry but I don’t feel I belong right now because I cannot be fully honest with them.

However, my truths are not hurtful in nature only real. Reality is what can tear some families apart unfortunately.  I am much more comfortable with my God given family of friends -some of you reading right now, many of whom have taken the low profile online grid approach lately and I commend you for it. Maybe you had a moment similar to mine where “connection” made you feel the disconnect in some ways or you just feel you want to keep those family moments to yourself or that there just isn't enough time to text, post, tweet the same info over and over when it really isn't that important. You are actually living life and your reality and if you have a question you are seeking out a person to ask (even if you do have to text or email the question) you are asking an individual – not a web of friends.

I will post this tomorrow possibly, as for tonight I am not even turning on the switch to the router, visual media, modem, and DVD (my best idea yet to keep them all in the same power strip in my humble world). I am simply typing this out as I wait for my soup to steep and get ready to read more of my favorite story this time of year which happens to be the majority of the book of Exodus.  So if you see me disappear personally for a bit or lay low – it’s nothing personal ;)