Red Means Stop

A while ago, I was driving the kiddo to a very early special breakfast before school, exhausted I turned left as the light had just turned red. Immediately I was scared I would hit or have gotten hit, then the fear intensified as I immediately slowed down to a stop per the flashing lights behind me. I gripped the wheel and had no idea what was going to happen or if the kiddo was going to freak out. I didn't do it on purpose, I swore it was green at the time, I am not used to that particular light, I was exhausted and prior to the lights my focus was elsewhere. The guy got up to my window – and very frankly (like a mad dad) asked “that was a red light, what were you thinking?!” I immediately answered that I saw green right before the red (there are about 4 lights in maybe 200-300 ft straight on) and “honestly, I wasn't.”

It was the truth – I was not thinking about the road at all. I was terrified as this was my second time in life being pulled over; I was lucky and we got away with both our safety and a warning. An even bigger warning hit me all day – not only did I feel  like a silly, scolded child – but I also realized that I had to slow down in the car and think. The radio is ok, but don’t look back to check on the kiddo because she is fine and does not need entertained, focus on the road and the lights (I still am saying the color out load at times), get on your straight on-know-the-road stretch before you start to pray because I know my mind starts to wonder then, focus on prayer not your own thoughts, etc.

That’s when the idea of this post and the idea for my Lenten strategy hit me – I needed to go to the desert, heck I wanted to go to the desert. For a laugh my readers, I told my mom that for Lent I just wanted to go to the desert and pray/study scripture…her response “no you don’t, it’s way too hot in the desert.” Oh Mother. Obviously I couldn't get away for a 40 day retreat, however, I could find a spot in my life and in my time to devote more to being at one with God, myself, my time, and make life slow down a little. So I decided that no visual media (i.e. TV for cable folks), shows/DVD’s  for myself during Lent only when I let the kiddo watch a show or two – and then I am either getting her dressed or making food or cramming food in my mouth. Instead, use that evening time to read scripture or Christian/meditative books, take and put into practice some ideas of one I recently read to better feel as if your life is in order, breathe, drink tea, get to bed at a better hour, etc. I tried to add on mentally but I had to stop myself as I always make my list too long. But already I find putting the important things first is coming more naturally and with more intentional focus – do I need to be staring at my phone at this moment in time or is my time better spent elsewhere.

It won’t always be easy as today I had a small child in my bed at 4:59am, no nap, and a very long day looking into our we are both too tired for this 10 year future; however, now I am trying to settle my mind rather than just flip on a show to “take me away,” I am dealing with the day the events of the past week and having faith that everything turned out OK, we have the basics, and remember have faith and not worry next time because it will likely turn out the same way.

So next time you see red at a stop light or in anger – just stop for a second.