That made me put a couple of things that had/are on my mind into perspective a bit, or at least the way I look at them.
Kiddo's Birthday Dinner: Well it didn't happen, with me anyways. Just as I finalized plans with my mom to have dinner with just my mom, the kiddo, and myself (A was in town, I wanted him to come, but to my mother birthdays are for mothers so I decided to make that small selfish sacrifice for her) I got a phone email alert....it was the kiddo's biological father replying that he would be picking the kiddo up for a state obligatory visit in three hours,but kept to two and half hours per him needing to be at work. Thank you for the notice sir, I thought sarcastically, as I had sent my portion of the email 24 hours prior.
Perspective: I was able to turn things around a little bit, spend time with the kiddo and bring her cupcakes at school, and arrange instead to have dinner with my mom and A - their first of more intimate meetings. I think it went OK.
The Kiddo's Birthday Gift: I had the kiddo's birthday party on the weekend since her birthday fell on a weekday this year. So she got all her stuff on party day from me as I neglected to hold anything back or grab the time to get something small for her to open on her actual birthday.
Perspective: Though she may actually remember, I do not think she will mind. Also, A and I went looking after dinner with my mom - and he was great enough to keep looking as I ran out of time but A met me just in time for bedtime to give me something he picked up for me. A even offered that I could give her his present. Yes, more perspective, this generous man got her a birthday gift and a very thoughtful one. More perspective, as you will read below I am taking a huge leap in faith and the kiddo's real gift is more mom time.
Job Change: I made the decision a few months back to back some hours off of work, this way I can pick the kiddo up from school more often rather than have her grandparents in charge. Not that there is anything wrong with that, I just know she needs mom time and a more stable routine than 14 hour days on my shift days. I have not yet found non-shift type work to fill this financial void, hence the prayer mentioned above, but have faith that it will all be OK.
Perspective: I still have a job, insurance, a roof, and food that I am not digging out of a trash can for and I do not believe I will reach that point for my family. But please still pray or ju ju or good thoughts - whatever your beliefs may be.
My Relationship "status" with A: I love him and am in love with him. Those closest to my heart know that, our respective kids know that, our family knows but our parents are not that receptive. Well folks, I know this is kind of....a may seem quick announcement, though it shouldn't be, am planning to move to an apartment up towards A in the late fall with the kiddo. That's right, just the kiddo and me in our own place and not 30 miles from A, still in same commuter distance, etc. A and I had the discussion that we felt we had to rationalize this to everyone and didn't have doubts about our thoughts on this because we don't have any but we know we will be met with opposition.
Perspective: Well, this is kind of a who cares?! The time we have spent has been spent wisely on topics that are very much deep and important and free and honest. Our love is true, based on God, and continued through His will, which is something we both pray for and on daily. It grows by the hour it seems, the faith and the love. Plus, we are not moving in together for purposeful reasons but want to be closer because add mileage into a non-summer (he is a teacher) schedule of a full time single mom who works and a single dad who works and has his kids at least half the time and things get difficult. I would move somewhere anyways - and well here I am rationalizing to all of you. I mainly just ask for your support. This is happening, though a change not a giant leap, for us a small step to see if we are headed in the direction we are feeling we are being lead by hearts and by God.
So there! Kidding - I mean my point in all of the above is it's really just how you look at things and who you are and who you are in looking at things. I could have let the world crash down the other day on the kiddo's birthday, or spiral into sleep rather than attend a painful work meeting to get a couple of extra hours in, or start some painful legal paperwork that will hopefully, eventually lead to some financial boost or less emotional drain for me and the kiddo. And we are lucky to be alive, fairly healthy, and not doing the below like SO many out there for which I will say some extra prayers today:
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