Earlier this summer I wrote about an opportunity to go to
decrease one day a week from my very long work days in order to spend more time,
well morning/evening time with the kiddo, well I did take that choice. I still
do not negate my choice, but at the time I had about 10-14 days to make the
decision and then it would not go into effect for another two months. I thought
that would surely (don’t call me Shirley) give me enough time to find something
to fill in the financial gap – maybe even increase it. I even talked to the person in charge of the
change at work and they had a possible summer option. A possible summer option
that turned out to be not an option when I found out I was actually going
part-time by the powers that be.
Fast-forward to today: I found myself driving home from
Starbucks after squeezing in an extra couple hours at a meeting in work, where
I actually found myself quite helpful, but after doing some online work to try
and earn maybe an extra $15 this month, checking on current job applications
(of which there had been many) – more standstill news, an email to a company
contact, and learning that A had extra tutoring after school so no impromptu
coffee date, I felt in adequate. After
reading that you may ask why?! You are doing what you can, you are not getting
any support from the donor of the kiddo (I do have an appointment on that
coming up, super), you are doing what you can in this market.
On the drive home, I prayed, freaked out a little, prayed
some more, told myself I was doing all I could, thinking about an opportunity I
don’t really want to take up in November but may have too, and heard the song “Overcomer”
as I pulled in and parked. I let the song play out, came inside, told myself “take
a short nap, you’ll wake up feel better, eat lunch, get on some filing for the
CS meeting next week, etc.” Well, hello subconscious nightmare! The one where
you are in your apartment that is completely empty saying “how did it get to
this point” to someone. Yeah, that one.
So obviously I am having some issues with the job thing. A
few days ago I got off of Facebook, other reasons, but I think that may be a good
thing for now – I will be honest and say that as much as I want to be
completely secure with what I have/how much I make, not comparing to others is
a good thing right now. I have never had to trust in God this much or have so
much faith that it is all (financially) going to be OK in my entire life. Not to mention I
have gone over a year without asking for a loan for a week to get to the next
from the folks, which would be immediately paid back two weeks later. I don’t
have a two weeks right now – but I may have to grovel slightly, making the
news/decision I recently told them about that much…..hard to defend. Even
though I am 30-something. Seriously people, cut the cord. After all, my 401K is completely intact and slightly decent.
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