The Road Map

Driving home from now what is becoming a familiar place and a place where part of my heart often stays, I decided to not use my phone’s GPS; I knew the way for the most part from previous trips and I just wasn’t in the mood to listen to directions or look at a screen. It’s been a long and exhausting weekend, not to say that it wasn't good – just a lot to fit into 36 hours.

My current spot in my life’s journey has me feeling the same way and if you re-call a few posts back when I was packing for this particular leg of the journey a road map was not on my packing list. I think I am finally learning a little bit how to actually deal with not having a road map to lead me on my way.  I know how to read the signs and although I have no sense of direction in real life (Never Eat Shredded Wheat), I know that both in physically getting somewhere and getting somewhere in life I can always get off at the next exit, turn around, and try again.

Not that coming to this point has been easy because me and the unknown – we don’t mix. Actually, until last night I was holding it all together, appearing to be strong as possible, not stopping, and scrambling in any way I could. But I felt a disconnect with who is leading this journey, God, and it sucked but I tried to keep muddling through. Then last night I was lucky enough to have a shoulder to let it all go, let it all out.  Admitting that disconnect out loud was difficult, but it was needed, very similar to getting off at the exit ramp, regrouping and trying to find my way back.

So now I am attempting to embrace this lack of a road map thing as best as possible with what I have. I tried in the smallest way, but a big and very new way to connect back with God in the “physical” sense, I am printing out two different study guides to life/faith to help keep me on the right path in faith and The Word, this week instead of focusing so much on what I get done in a specific time frame I am just focusing on a couple important tasks themselves, I realize also that even though there are so many things out of my control – I can use that notebook to make goals for the kiddo that I know cost no physical money.

Hopefully all this will lead me to the last of my list, steady feet and my extra pair of dry socks as the original pair have seemed to gotten a little muddied, but they will dry.