Thursday, January 28, 2016

I Took A Break

From doing the dishes that is. No, I have not been doing dishes for the past 7 months even though the last 7 months have seen their share of dishes! I have been adjusting and re-adjusting, acclimating and re-acclimating and doing a lot of driving around in circles both literally and figuratively (damn round-a-bouts) as I have been adjusting to a new way of life. When I last left you readers, the kiddo and I had just moved into the fiancé’s house, which came along with this three kids included. If you think moving in with one person is tough (which it is), try FOUR people, 3 of which do not have their driver’s license – it has been a roller coaster for sure. I would like to say things are settling down, but I would be lying, which is what brings me back to blogging. I have been going through an interesting time this last month or so in both trying-to-blend-a-family life and my relationship with the fiancé and when things really got…..confusing – I looked back at my old blog entries for assistance. That’s when I realized, dishes or not, I should not have taken a break from blogging. It is such an outlet for me,  I only realized that when I was reading some old posts thinking, “this girl has got her stuff together,” only to realize – oh wait that was me and what the heck happened to that girl?!

That girl is still here, just elbow deep in a lot of stuff that I was not prepared for in the least. I am going to be honest, as I always try to be, and lay it out there – the fiancé and I went too fast. We luckily both agree on that part now looking back. We are still together, still living in what seems a way too small house for six people (well, five as one went off to college this fall), still doing our best to keep kids alive and not screaming, crying, choking, yelling, having panic attacks, etc. but we are slowing.things.down. I don’t even know if slowing things down is the right choice of words. When you realize you have gone too fast in a relationship, however, still want to go forward it’s like stalling a manual transmission that you have no idea how to drive. So we are getting out the manual that we put away so long ago and are slowly making our way back through things.  I am lucky that I have someone who is willing to do that, lucky to have some support from others who understand, and have grace (from God alone) not to just run the other way when things get rough.  So that is what I am trying to get back to, God, grace, the basics, myself, and the roots of my relationship. Easier said than done because this crazy train does not take a lot of breaks, so we have to work extra hard to build back up the important things in our lives as individuals, a couple, and the kids’ lives.

This blog will have a lot to do with helping me build things back up as an individual because though it might be cyberspace, it is the one place that really feels like my own space at this time in my life. I am not really all unpacked, though a lot of purging has been done. I now have enough space to have my laptop ON my desk with a fabric picture holding thing still unmounted with the “wine is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy” quote shoved in one of the holding ribbons and Mickey Mouse reminding me that we promised to take 3 teenagers and a 5 year old to Disney World in less than five months via a mini-van that I have avoided driving at all costs in another ribbon.  The desk sits in the corner of our bedroom of which the door must be closed and sometimes locked if you expect to get any time to yourself. Add in the sound of pre-bedtime showers with the inevitable nightly shampoo drop..wait..ah there it goes (not kidding, real time). The dude is nicely sitting downstairs on the couch in the main shared family space so I can have some minutes to myself to type.  Sidebar – if you know what that fabric holding thing with the ribbon is called, please comment below.  

So there you have it, I am back writing in a new suburbia (this one is a real one y’all), not quite as single, still a single mom as well as a “not your mom but a ‘grown up’ in this house” type person. I am looking forward to being back, getting my thoughts down, getting my thoughts straight, and probably sharing some interesting stories with you all along the way. 

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