Hey y'all -
We may get serious for a minute here. I cannot explain in words or over any amount of time writing what the last three to four years has meant to me. If I can think of it in one word, maybe it would be: Growth. I have been lucky enough to have been put through hell and back so that I could grow as a person, a woman, a mother, and a child of God.
For those who know what brought me here in those years and some of the things that I have gone through you may be questioning if I am crazy - but I am SO thankful. You see, I had lost my way for quite sometime and then the bottom fell out beneath me, then to top it all off the roof blew off as well. I finally understand the reason for that now - I needed that to happen because then God was able to come in and save the person in me that was lost in a fire. I was surrounded by smoke, I could not see. I was surrounded by flames, not extinguishable by man. I was surrounded by little air, giving me little room to breathe let alone cry out for help.
All that happened, happened so that I could find the path to faith that I am on now and that I continue to strive to be on daily to let God lead me in my life. When people are freed by someone in a fire, it is often commented on the news that they were "lucky to get out" or "lucky to survive." This is not often said in cases of divorce though some may say certain circumstances warrant those comments. I am not saying that they do not, however, that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. The person I was then was like a person collapsed by a fire - dead weight that had to be dragged out and I am lucky that I was. My daughter was too - yet she was even luckier to be unharmed and surrounded by many "first responders" or what I would call angels.
I remember the day I first saw the flames that were there to take my life and I started to pray a simple three prayers every morning for myself and my unborn child. Mainly that she would see no harm. I am now on this great journey of faith that has taught me what love really is. I have read it, heard about it, tried to understand it simply but tonight I watched the movie Fireproof and I understood that my faith continues because I learned about God's love.
To answer your question, what is a single mom doing watching a movie about someone trying to save a marriage: the answer, though maybe not simple, is because I want to understand how God wants me to love in the world before I truly love another as God meant me to and how to treat that person with God's love when He deems the time is right. This is not a new quest, I have been on it for awhile, I have been watching different examples in life for awhile, and tonight - a new fiery red-head and all - I took another simple step and a whole new experience was revealed to me. God is love, without fully accepting that, how can we begin to love others the way He loves us.
Same reason we need to put on our own oxygen mask before we are able to help others:
Sunday, May 18, 2014
I believe that I have compared mine and my daughter’s relationship with my parents to that of the show the Gilmore Girls a few times if not more. I have been lucky enough to be living my own life this week, they did me a great favor in baby-sitting so I could actually GO OUT rather than baby-sitting so I could go to work – so I thought since I had most of the ingredients I would head over, use the cul-de-sac to get the kiddo some safe outdoor time, and make a simple yet filling meal for the four of us.
I guess it had been awhile before I told them about anything that I hold in high respect in my life that was either changing or evolving and BAM – “take my opinion please!” say the parents. And then my head wants to hit the stove top then immediately run out the door – unfortunately not an option in the middle of cooking dinner.
I have made a lucky in time and better for all small career move or will be making here in the next couple weeks – a lot of positives, possibly a little more work or homework, but a ton more family (not necessarily monetary) stability for my family of two. It’s not that I will go down in money, but even if I did slightly – to make a good move, stay with the same company for future resumes sake, and to give the kiddo more of a Monday-Friday life – it would be worth a small hit and I would find a way to make it work. Of course my dad had to give his two cents or rather ten dollars while I was trying to just tell him the deal, that drives me nuts. “Well you know what this means right,” follow up with extreme 3 month down the road detail of said change. Yes, father, my head is on pretty straight now I was completely aware of that.
I think the thing that is making most upset about being given opinions by them or other people that really have no clue is – I don’t pretend to know it all but just because I “messed up” once – I think things out a lot now, as well as put my faith into those decisions and do not take them lightly because I “messed up” once. We all make mistakes, but the best and most of us learn from them in one way or another and go on. The result will not kill us even if we are “wrong” or "mess up." Truth is, we aren't wrong or mess up - life is life and we live and learn as best we can.
The final hit was when something was eluded about a friend of mine regarding a personal situation, 1) that is my good friend so step off because you don’t know me or our relationship and 2) it is my personal business and none of yours! Sorry, but like I said – due to last night’s favor, everything in their world comes with a price.
So I have made a big decision that I want for my family and have been thinking about for awhile now and outside opinions will be sought on the details.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
I had a situation come up, kind of a standing situation of sorts, where I did not know if I should tell my best friend my true thoughts, bounce them off of someone else, or just keep it all to myself. The main issue was that the thing I really needed to talk to my best friend about involved my best friend. It was nothing bad about her, anything she did, or anything like that – in fact it was all me. That was the other part of my decision – I felt kind of selfish telling her my thoughts because it was all about me.
So I decided to tell her – mostly because I could not think of a better opinion on the situation. Even though it was through email, I am sure I came off as a rambling mess. I know all of this probably seems the same as I feel I cannot give the details on this blog as anonymous or not. The point is I told her, I waited hoping that I didn't make things weird or worse lose a friend, and then I finally heard back…….
Not only did I get the advice that I needed, wanted, and knew in the back of my mind; but I got something even better – I got a (or an – darn you sometime y) “you’re my best friend.” I knew she was the best local friend I had, but hearing that from her, affirming my thoughts on our friendship as well – made my whole day! It honestly did if you are reading this bestie :).
So always tell your friends the truth, unless it involves a haircut then they can automatically tell if you are lying, because it’s what you should do with your friends and that is why they are there.
Andplusalso, this is my 80th post! I honestly can’t believe that, so thank you for reading, stopping by, or hanging with me this entire time that I feel I finally started a blog that counts as something for me and its readers.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Since a few of my last posts have gotten a little far from the Suburbia subject matter I thought I would share some random thoughts of my everyday life in Suburbia-hood:
Damn Fiat! (referring to the very small car that makes you think you found an apartment parking lot spot)
What are the neighbors growing? *raised eyebrow*
You are very useful.
Kiddo: Jack Coleman (don't ask)
You are not being very useful!
Why are we in X school system when we live a half a mile from Y school?
Kiddo: “Who is going to group tonight?” (yes, you got that one right folks)
A text from the ex. Go away ex, I feel nothing.
To work/schools: Hold on, let me put a reminder in my phone - relish/cookies.
Thank you Facebook ad, “He will do” (seriously?!)
To kiddo: Because we are saving energy and being good to the earth (and saving on the electric bill).
To Starbucks: More…..keep it coming.
Where did the Fiat Girl go?!