Sometimes There Just Aren't Enough Rocks.....

Many people know that scene or couple of scenes in the movie Forrest Gump where an adult Jenny on a walk with Forrest comes upon her old home where she used to live with her father as a young girl forced to grow up way to fast and in a manner….that well no one should have to experience. After looking at it for a few moments, she just starts throwing rocks at it in anger and finally breaks down crying as a release of all the pain. Forrest explains that sometimes, well there just aren't enough rocks.

In some cases that seems to be true.  I recently celebrated, and truly celebrated, the 3 year anniversary of leaving my abusive relationship for good – in the middle of the night, at 23 weeks pregnant, and with only essentials I could fit in one backpack and one laundry basket. Though very scary and difficult, I knew it was my only chance at getting out saving both my life and the life of my daughter. I mean that both figuratively and literally; I know we would not be where we are at today, who we are, or even possibly existent if that night never happened.

On this the third anniversary of that night, I am in a different place. The fresh wounds are healed; I have a completely new life, new home, some new friends, and a completely different me. I have forgiven for past transgressions and though there is still the general upset at times that my daughter does not have a loving father or father figure – there are only annoyances to deal with now. And my faith in a lot of things as well as just my faith has skyrocketed! I am a far cry from the single pregnant woman sitting in a pew, to holding my daughter up high at her baptism a year after during both the mother and father’s prayer as a single mom, to today just getting to know the ins and outs of our family life of 2 as my daughter approaches her third birthday and I face singly the bureaucratic school system. Though the date/time period will always resonate in my mind - it may be the last year I may really recognize "freedom day" more than just a thankful note to God.

After Jenny’s death, while talking to her at her grave, Forrest tells her that he had since had the house torn down. Consequently, during the past week, a building structure was zoned off and torn down – it was the building that I got my first divorce consultation in. I also pass by (or did) each day as I pick up my daughter after work.  Though I did not go with that lawyer, his story sticks in my head as he was very matter of fact but through a friend of a friend he was the grandfather who lost his grandson to leukemia at age 8 shortly thereafter. Small world.  It was kind of a culmination of things really, seeing the “diggers” and no structure where my reminder once was once. However, it was also a sign that sometimes there are enough rocks, we let time pass, and when the storm is long over, we are left with a peace that is our own…..