Monday, June 9, 2014

Taking A Unselfish Step Back

As I was getting ready to call a friend with some joyful news from the day yesterday, I found out things were a bit amiss at the moment in that friends' life. I was mad - not because I couldn't share my news but I know this friend has been having a rough go of it and just when it looked like things may have been improving - shoe drop. I put down the phone and let's just say the words that came out of my mouth were not joyful. 

I was at a loss, it wasn't/isn't fair both in the situation and for this friend who is an awesome person. I searched and searched for what I could do for this friend - I found not much at the time but pray with a big "come on God!" added on. 

This morning, I tried some words I thought out with the response I was pretty much expecting but didn't want to hear: "I'm fine." No they weren't and we both know it. 

So what can you do to help a friend in this situation: take a step back was the conclusion I came too. This does not mean that I am leaving this friend alone in their time of need. However, it means:

First letting them know you are there and they are loved. Once, and when they have had some time - let them know again, but not bombard them with it 10 times that day either.

Second, lift them up yourself - if the person prays or meditates, they may be too angry to do so at the time. That is an ok feeling for them and something they may need to feel for a short while. So if you do these things - lift them up in your own prayer as if it was yourself. Then do it again when all you want to do is reach out to that person.

Third, give them some space to let them go through what they need to go through to begin to climb the other side of their particular challenge. Pray they have the strength to do so, but maybe not tag them in all your social media uplifting quotes and pictures. If you know then well enough that this might add to them needing a break from the stuff they are going through - don't keep reminding them. 

Lastly, don't go anywhere. Keep doing the above for them on your time and be there for them but in THEIR time - they may not want or be ready to talk right now and that is ok, but keep your tabs in a subtle way if you have too. 

Sometimes to strengthen a friend in a time of need we need to know for ourselves to take a step back but be their for them at the same time. Is it hard - absolutely - you want to yell, cry, bitch, moan, and pray with them.  Likely only that last part would do any good in a present moment of distress. 

Then when they have come around a bit, if they want to hear your joy share it without guilt, with knowing they want you to be joyful too - but also knowing when to hold things I for just a little while longer. Your friend will come back, strong or needing your strength and you can then both take steps together again. 


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