Well, at the young age of under 3, we are down the road.
The kiddo and I live on our own, always have since her birth, she just this past year sees her dad and/or grandma (his mom) on the occasional weekend. This past Sunday was one of those weekend days and her dad had to cancel because he was sick. She was expecting him as she is usually set up for visits, but things happen I guess. All day long she was asking my parents "mommy?" Mommy's at work. "Daddy sick." If that wasn't enough to tug at you.
Then her favorite show has a mommy, daddy, and kid tiger in it. The mommy has been absent the last few shows, prompting "where mommy tiger?" and "where daddy tiger?" when he is not in that 2 second scene. I have been doing my best per the shows situation; work, mommy things, grocery shopping, etc.
Then the other day the kiddo was attached at the leg (has been this week) and upset. She had just watched her show and asked the above questions and at linner had asked "daddy?" So I asked her if she wished someone besides mommy and kiddo was here she said yeah in her sad voice. I then asked "if you could have someone else here, who would she want" she replied "a daddy." I was honestly thinking she might say her Gram or Pop, knew she might say daddy, but more importantly knew she needed to express something. So not only did my heart drop for her (and me, not because of her particular dad but the idea of a "family") but I had to think a little quick. I just told her the truth, that daddy can't be here right now because......then she finished my sentence "daddy sick" again in her sad voice.
I almost wanted to cry because when she does get bigger, that might be the most truthful explanation. Not because of a judging type of matter, but because some of her dad's issues (at the time of the split anyway, just a few years back) can be medically coded issues. But for now, daddy just lives in a different house and mommy and kiddo are a family of two. I hope I handled it ok, I just want her to know that if she needs/wants to talk about it she can, however, I also want her to get to the place where she is OK with just mommy and me.
I almost wanted to cry because when she does get bigger, that might be the most truthful explanation. Not because of a judging type of matter, but because some of her dad's issues (at the time of the split anyway, just a few years back) can be medically coded issues. But for now, daddy just lives in a different house and mommy and kiddo are a family of two. I hope I handled it ok, I just want her to know that if she needs/wants to talk about it she can, however, I also want her to get to the place where she is OK with just mommy and me.
My sister has dealt with the same thing, and I know it hurts her heart every time those questions come up. The thing is she wants A daddy. Not necessary her daddy, you know? She sees these pictures and movies and thinks that's what she wants. Doesn't make you not want to cry any more, though. But you, my dear, are doing more than a damn good job being both a mommy and daddy to her and that one thing is going to be clear as she grows up as she sees just how much she is loved.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment, Nain. I know it is pretty much an "a daddy" issue and not her actual dad MIA or not around in particular. The shows, books, whatnot do make it extra hard - even songs. It's weird because I feel like I will be enough, but during these moments it is really hard to SEE it. Ah, a faith reliance yet again ;) Oh and must find out how to button your blog on here!
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