Sunday, December 22, 2013

The New Suburban Nuclear Family

I was reading another blog today and the writer was talking about this being her first separated holiday, I thought nothing of it really until I was waiting for the kiddo to be dropped off by her dad, tonight’s exchange went a little differently (the only word I can really think to describe the feeling right now), and on the way home I realized that this is my 3rd divorced Christmas. That isn't really the right word as it was more of a before baby break-up involving lots of lawyers, paperwork, and money – there was never really a family to be broken if you will. Anyway….

Here are the stats:

Probability in 2012 that the lifelong probability of a marriage ending in divorce is 40%–50%.

Today, one-third of American children – a total of 15 million – are being raised without a father. Nearly 5 million without a mother. 

I don’t think the realization of the 3rd “divorced” Christmas was it though, as I said tonight’s exchange was….different. Usually, my parents handle the exchange of the kiddo and my ex per our history, and I have started to only fill in or be there if their schedule needs me too or if we are running close on time to get to their place. Tonight was one of those times and I had done it enough before, but tonight we had to have a short convo about times & locations on Wednesday – Christmas Day in which he has her and I work this year, and it was awkwardly civil for the both of us (kiddo was asleep). Also, I have always had this “dad bag,” just an old, black, same-sex shoulder bag in which her extra clothes and communication notebook go in on visit days – well today she came home with a character big girl backpack/lunch bag set with the old bag in the side pocket. 


What I realized is because of our link we both have 15+ holiday seasons in which to figure out who is where and when, no matter how consistently inconsistent the kiddo will always have a bag ready to go 5-10% out of the year, and no matter if it is for the kiddo or the grandparents; this is now reality – not a was, or could be, or maybe one day it will stop – but a for now, this is what we do kiddo. And I will put on the best show when my feelings are weird or your feelings are weird or his feelings are weird because in the now this is our reality no matter how many dreams and cancellations come ‘round. However, as she turned on the tree lights when we got home, she knows home and she knows her family….our family and our home of two. 

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