Shreading Needs V Wants

I was standing at the sink early this afternoon, staring at the bottle of Dawn and wondering if I needed to be on the lookout for sales to have back up on hand for when the rest of the 64 ounces runs out and if I should get cheap sponges or actual dish scrubbers per bailing out 30 cups of water from the bottom of the dishwasher. Then I thought, really?! One, you are standing here seriously debating in your head whether you need more dish soap or not and two) there are 32 ounces left and that has lasted you 3 months!! I guess being as financially tight as things are, I feel like I always NEED at least one full back-up of everything on hand in case anything hits the fan....you know like last week :)

After that I went to the couch to do my prayer thing because if thoughts like that were running through my mind, obviously what I really needed was some in depth mediation on the actual questions in my life. Where do I want to be at or where do I need to be at and what do I want or need to get there. And no, none of those questions opened up the sky with answers falling down upon my make-shift "pillow couch" before the monitor started blaring "I want to get up now!" Now, that my friends is a sign, a sign that nap time is over and the rest of the 5 hours of mommy day lie ahead.

Yesterday I was kind of shown the path that I wasn't going to be on or possibly ever be on, though my actual path during a time of crossroads in my life is quite foggy. First off, work was demanding as usual and again volunteers were being asked to go a little above and beyond being promised a hint of job security if you did volunteer but no actual benefits. Luckily my day was not run, run, run as usual to the point where I don't get to sit down so I had time look up some job postings. I ran across two different jobs that would give me what I wanted in both the 8-5 category as well as financial stabilization...somewhat anyways. One was one I could have 6 years ago (with the same company I was with at that time) in my field but at that time was lacking the experience and credentials I now have but would not fulfill my life in a very meaningful way besides I would be good at it. The other was a job that I could apply for, would most likely need to sell sell sell myself to get the position but could be worth a shot as it would be with a company I would be behind about 100% (hard to find these days), however, I would probably need to gain another certification in something related to my degree I got around 10 years ago. Talk about polar opposites. Then as I was getting all set to leave the current workplace, my phone rang, it was local, I have a kid, so obviously I panicked.....only to find out via voice mail that it was such and such homes wanting to know if I was still on the market for a house 6 months later, please call back either way as we are going through our contact cards. That voice mail rang over and over through my head as I drove back to an apartment after my shift with the sleeping kiddo in the back praying that there would be a parking spot left close to the door. So no, I am not in the market for a home. Add the hopes and dreams for the kiddo's pre-school top choice shattered - ok, not a huge deal but if you knew her and me and how hard we have worked on her "stuff" - kind of a downer.

I luckily bucked up after finding the key parking spot and did some research on the new venture on the horizon as well as made some very, very small moves in a work up to apply for the good company job. I read a quote on linked in yesterday as well and it led me to a little guidance....."Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. They are Work, Family, Health, Friends, and Spirit and you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it. it will bounce back. But the other four balls - Family, Health, Friends, and Spirit - are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for it."