"I Wanna Know What Love Is"

 

Yes, I found myself singing this silly little tune as I was cleaning up the house from today and getting it ready for tomorrow. It’s kind of what has been on my mind the past 24 hours, I really want to know what partnership love is. I know motherly love as I am a mother, I never really I  loved the person I was legally bound too, I have love for God – which has grown immensely in the past year or so, my parents though they love me and each other have always had their issues show it is now hard to see a good example through them…and the best example I have right now is a couple of friends who have really great partnerships and partners.

Notice how I didn’t use the word marriage there – because when I look at my two friends, I see a true partnership with it’s ups and downs and each partner working to love the other actively and not just live in the existence of love. So I guess they do have marriages after all, it’s just that I believe a true marriage these days must meet the definition of a partnership of love. You must work at it to feel it, to stay in it, to not want to run off to be your independent self but at the same time still co-exist in a beautiful dance of life.

That is what I am looking for, it is what I truly want to know and one day have to lie down next too at night. I just have to wait for it, but it doesn’t mean I can’t look for it at the same time. It is hard to weed through people, it makes you feel like you are on The Bachelorette except for no one pre-picked 25 “good,” attractive men for you. Even then, you have those who are not worthy or not looking for that partnership, as we saw the other week if you follow the show.

Though the nights get frustrating here and there due to my want for that partnership, it is also the time I spend talking/praying/thinking to God so I do pray for that but I am also thankful for the two examples of a good partnership/marriage my friends give me as well as the reminder of what I am really looking for. Though they were single, non-divorced, and had no children when they met their true partner for life – they also had their respective trials. I often wonder if it is possible or how I will let someone into an existing family of two – but I know it can be done. Even when I over-think it, I know it per heart

So I know it won’t be forever, that God has a plan – and am happily singing different sad, 80’s, ballad tunes as I go about my day/chores/household budget and weed through any seeds that will not fit my description only at my leisure, for sport, and not as a task that I alone have a hand in.