Saturday, June 15, 2013

Tim the Tool Man

First off, the night before things always seem like the worst - so this may sound like a downer type post but I hope to put a positive spin on it and if not than I am just my honest self tonight.

I was in a recent Facebook "conversation" with a couple of friends, let's just call them Elaine and Wonder Woman, that somehow revolved around Tim Allen or more commonly known as Tim the Tool Man Taylor. He was a dad, from the outside portrayed as your typical "man" consumed with his tools, cars, career, and having no clue how to properly answer his boys' or wife's questions. He was what we portray all dad's to be in the JC Penny's and Sears' ads.

And that is what we will all see tomorrow. Dads of all kinds, a lot around here in the burbs running around in their freshly out of the box khakis and new polo shirts, children & wives in tow and in church, at brunch, in the afternoon maybe out on the golf course or in their "play clothes" exploring the new leaf blower or work on the next project for the house with whatever new cool tool or gadget. I hate father's day because of this display because it does not tell the truth.

The truth is that Tim the Tool Man Taylor, if watched closely was a man, my definition of a true man. He messed up but when he did he went to talk to Wilson and got guidance on what to do or say - not because Wilson told him too but because he needed answers he could not find. He fixed his schedule to stay at home with a sick kid because his wife worked too and even went back to get her Masters with her family's support.  They didn't have an easy life, they had marriage issues, health scares, temptations of taking the easy route....but they were a true family - even if just on TV.

Now my daughter will get neither version, not in a day and not for a lifetime. That is why I hate (I almost typed dislike, but hate is my true word here) Father's Day. She will not know a true father or dad in the sense of someone who loves you and has so much from day 1 that their stomach churns as hard as their working hands in both worry and love, positive and negative life events or things not so eventful. She may be the prop for some photos tomorrow but they will not be a copy of the Sears' ads either.

That is why I feel pain when shopping the card aisle for my dad, who gets two cards AND her school project she made. I see these wives picking out cards for their husbands because that is their want or grown women picking out cards for their dads - sometimes even siblings which is an extra stab - and because of how truly they know their father they say with conviction "this one is perfect!" I browse, trying not to tear up because the father I have known was there for me and my daughter will not know that feeling and picking out her card for Grandpa who will be around but likely not when she is 30 and not in the same sense.

Now I know things are not perfect: Elaine is going through some tough life things and though her husband and father of her daughter is by her side, things aren't super nor should they be with what they have going on. Wonder Woman is tired in her third trimester with their third and final child happy to make their life complete but also daily chasing after 2 very active boys. But their husbands are stand up men and fathers, this I have seen first hand, and those are the people I celebrate in roughly 15 min; men who are true men, who come to the aid of the people they love even if they do not yet have the title of father.

I do it with a true, genuine, and heavy heart - praying that I will be able to find men of my age, in my generation to be friends to us in that way; to be there when Sarah has a car issue I can't fix or am at work, or to show her the compassion a father would show their own children when she most needs and least expects it. Someone to pick out a card for out of the "like a father" or "uncle" or "Godfather" section. This is my hope.

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