This past weekend I celebrated my daughter's 2nd birthday and said good-bye to a very close, almost like a brother, family member as he is moving out west. So there was a party on Saturday night to say goodbye and one Sunday afternoon to say hello to my daughter's 3rd year.
I never got a real chance this past week to reflect, as I like to do, on my daughter's past year or past couple of years, because of party prep and packing as both parties were in my hometown. Due to the events that surrounded her pre-coming and coming to this earth - it is always a time of reflection for how far we have come as a family of two. From the first moment I found out the kiddo existed even in a cellular form, her soul transformed mine. It started with prayer, simple prayer, a bunch of things in between including patience and compassion and strength and now we are where we are - which is a wonderful place full of love and faith. We have our own world of two a lot of the time and no one would get us except for maybe some other mommies and that is just the way I would want it.
Also, 6 months ago or even a year, if you told me my kiddo would be who she is today - talking and walking and saying and thinking and doing and asking and loving - I would not believe a.single.word you had to say! She has made such great strides due to her many "teachers" that work so hard with her....*special shout out to those SLPs, teachers, OTs, PTs, and listeners who teach with compassion.* We may have a ways to go, but we wouldn't be on this road fork without you or God or this feisty little high functioning student of life.
Therefore, to exert my emotions and try to be who I was - in searching for how to express who I am now (two really, really, really different people) - I stayed out a bit late the night before her party. I made it through as tired as I was and turned the all about her prep into an all about her day, but I still felt guilty that I wasn't at my best. When I go to my hometown and have these events, this happens - in an emotional ploy to enjoy who I have become, I regress instead - or feel that way.
I have made the decision to give myself some restoration time after that fact. To restore who I know I now am, the mother of a two year old who needs me to be me so that I can help teach her to be a person of faith, hope, compassion and love. How? You have heard of the whole 30 - well this is like a holistic whole 30 - 30 days of K-Love *plug* and Christian music only, no alcohol, 7 hours each night of sleep or pure in bed no sound rest, more healthy eating, and some other personal things to get back in touch with who I am now. We all have errors or flaws but we grow and as it is said so many times in the Bestselling book - restoration is always possible with God.
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