It's been an interesting few days and some of great reflection on the preverbal where I am at in life question. One reason is that the opportunity I keep talking about is still looming in and out of my world, but also making other parts of my world awkward and stagnant. I wish I could elaborate more but the waiting is just making different aspects of my life just complicated enough to be annoying and making this non-virtuous when it comes to patience person on pins and needles.
Another reason is that a couple family members who are a little younger than me bought houses, big houses, and in my opinion possible financially irresponsible big houses. I know these kids, I know what they want or the image they want to show, but know I also know a lot about the hardships of making financially irresponsible decisions. Yet here I am trying to fill in holes I did not dig or did not intentionally dig in order to one day get a starter home, a home not a house - and though I know it is not personal by nature, it's tough to see plastered all over the internet. It's also hard to watch people you thought would turn out one way turn to be someone you would never imagine.
The last reason kind of has to do with the first and second; I was talking about the how and when and past and current of digging out of holes and making progress with my father yesterday and he kept telling me how far I have come even though bit by bit. When you are in the middle of it, it is hard to see the bit by bit as leading to your outcome.
I was reminded twice today, literally, about Dory and "Just keep swimming," one by a radio show and the other via work because I though I am waiting and doing as much as I can it's not like I am waiting for a vital organ and I mean that literally. So I just keep reminding myself as hard as it feels sometimes to just keep swimming.
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