I Don't Like It Here In Holland

There I said it - I don't like it here in Holland. Now, if this beginning is confusing to you google: you've landed in Holland and here you must stay.

Most of the days I deal with having a kiddo with challenges because well, that is all you can do. This is the life I was meant to lead and I will lead it - that is where the frustrating part comes in - I feel like I have to follow a lot of the time. But yesterday, well last week even, handed a medium sized surprise I was not expecting and dealing with a few small things that are common place in here in Holland - I decided I needed to admit this to more than God, more than a friend, but here and to myself. Sometimes this stinks. So here I vent.

I do not want to be forced into making a pre-school starting date v "taking a year off" from therapies decision per such challenges. My heart is sick every.single.time I call one of the many health bill people and say here is my minimal good faith payment I can make to you at this time. For once can I please buy economical shoes without getting a wide to fit the orthotics or taking my already feisty kiddo out of her hamster bubble and trying on numerous pairs of shoes to make sure they work with her orthotics and we can afford them. I am sick and tired of holding my breath when we go into the library, etc because of possible meltdowns. I am again sick to my stomach adjusting to giving my kid her medicine and explaining that she is not sick and her insisting that she is because she has to take medicine. Don't get me started on food limitations or that regular water is not in the line up. Lastly, and newly (well new again), I am sick of seeing my kiddo fall when she is just trying to pick up a little speed.

I am sure I could go on, but I won't - because I feel awful that I am complaining when there are those sitting in hospitals with their kid, those counting the days they have because they know they are numbered, and those who have been forced to let go of their child or forced to come to grips with the fact that they won't even have a chance to have one.

So again, we are lucky in many ways even here in Holland, but I think it is important for me to say I will do what I have to do but I don't have to like it all the time. I treasure my kiddo's strength and off the charts cognitive ability and the fact that she CAN walk at all and that you can not tell one.single.thing wrong from looking at her picture and usually people can't tell from my face either. So Holland, I am sure one day I will accept you and all you have to offer fully, but for now please allow me my moments.